1. I wrote this book about my life in France because I realised that despite the fact that I had been homesick for 25 years I was still there and I wanted to understand why.
2. I wrote this book as a proper analysis of the French world-view because I was sick of reading so much of the inaccurate drivel that is basically designed to bolster all the old myths and prejudices about our closest neighbour and ultimately prevent us from looking at our own flaws.
3. I wrote this book because I think France is our alter ego and if we can understand her we can understand ourselves.
4. I wrote it because I knew that I would have a laugh in the process.
5. I wrote it because my publishers asked me to and were offering me three times more than they had for any of my novels.

(Answer: All of them)